A recurring theme on the 8-night retreat I recently attended was letting go.

After my busy week of prepping and then, on arrival at Spirit Rock, adapting to the change in circumstances and schedule, masking, and trying to remember the dorm door code, the idea of letting go sounded great, but beyond my immediate reach.

Yet the rhythm of the retreat had its way with me, and I was eventually able to remember the door code and feel the relief of ceremonially relinquishing my cell phone. I was gently released into the routine of silence, mindfulness, gratitude, nature, and bells marking the transitions throughout the day.

But what is this ‘letting go’?
Letting go is not abandonment. It’s coming into a more wholesome relationship with all that is present. It’s not a free fall into a void but trusting in the practice.

Imagine traveling on a river or stream that eventually leads to the ocean. Instead of focusing on the destination, paddling madly to get there, checking maps, and worrying about what’s around the next bend, what if we let the current carry us, trusting in it because we know we chose the stream wisely. 

Buddhism is a proven stream we can trust to carry us toward the vast ocean of awakening. Meditation is not about chasing bliss, improving ourselves, or making progress but trusting in the practice, the wisdom teachings, and our chosen community: The Buddha, Dharma,  and Sangha. These three together are called the Triple Gem.

Just as the water in a river flows naturally, the dharma delivers the insights we need just when we need them. We begin to notice more awareness, joy, skillfulness, ease, and lovingkindness in our experience.

For so many of us life is full of anxiety and striving. We may think we need everything to be perfect to be comfortable, safe, and happy. And we turn to Buddhism or other spiritual traditions to perfect ourselves and our situations. We try meditating and castigate ourselves for the way our attention wanders. “I’m no good at this. This isn’t for me.” We paddle to get ahead and end up exhausted and frustrated. Maybe others look like they’re having a great old time and here we are, struggling, miserable, ready to give up.

Maybe that’s the moment we learn to let go. Let go of the preconceived notions of where we’re supposed to be and what this experience is supposed to look like. 

When we let go, our eyes are not glued to a map. We aren’t calculating how much further we have to go. We’re not looking for landmarks and thinking, “Oh, wait I was supposed to be there by now but I’m only here. I’m not getting anywhere. I’m a failure at this.”

Thinking about this stream, how could I not think about the simple song:

Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. 
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream. 

Although the song’s origins are reportedly from the 1850s, it taps into ancient wisdom, doesn’t it? Repeated in rounds, there is a gentle release. 

The stream analogy helps to counter the self-sabotaging doubt about Buddhism, meditation, and our abilities. It provides a way to be with all that arises, letting go of patterns that keep us anxious, angry, or longing for more. 

At one point on the retreat, Bhikku Analayo used a different analogy. He asked us to imagine a snow globe. “We live in the shaken state, all caught up in it.” 

I recognized that shaken state I had experienced just a few days before while packing for the retreat, trying to have everything I might need so I wouldn’t suffer. I planned clothes for every weather, forgetting that Spirit Rock has bins of warm clothing you can borrow. I bought unscented self-care products that SRMC requires, forgetting that they have all the products you need in every bathroom and by exit doors. And they have a 24-hour ‘pharmacy’ where I could buy what I might have forgotten.) I brought my healthy simple breakfast food, but I certainly wouldn’t have starved, as the food is amazing.**

(I also brought my prescribed auto-serum eye drops. Then I found that because I didn’t have my phone and laptop, I wasn’t straining my eyes so they weren’t in pain and I rarely needed them!)

On reflection, that busy preparation felt like a snow globe shaken into a blinding blizzard!

So, what can we do? It’s simple. Bhikku Analyayo says, “Set the snow globe down. It will settle on its own.” In other words: Let go!

All our over-analyzing and trying so hard. Is it just shaking a snow globe? Is it creating turmoil instead of finding a solution to a perceived problem that might sort itself out if we allow it to settle?

Maybe we’re already equipped with all we need as we flow gently down the stream.

Can we let go and trust in the stream we have chosen to carry us?

**Caveat: Not every retreat center is as fully equipped as Spirit Rock to meet every perceived need, but then there’s the opportunity to look at our perception of ‘need’.)