“May you be happy.” That’s the wording often used as part of a Buddhist blessing of Metta, loving kindness. For me, the word happy has never felt quite up to the task of carrying the infinite and accessible lovingkindness we cultivate in our meditation practice and in our lives. So over the years of leading these blessings, when it comes to the ‘May (I/you/all beings) be happy’ portion, my wording has evolved into “May (I/you/all beings) know the joy of being fully present in this moment, just as it is.”

Though my sangha members agree it is better than the paltry ‘happy’, some still struggle with this, and one chose different wording in her metta practice. I’m just happy she is doing metta practice!

But, even so, there’s real value in looking more deeply into this blessing and the difference between joy and happiness. They are not interchangeable. 

We might first notice that when we say we are happy, it’s because of something. For example, I just wrote that I’m happy my student does metta practice. I’m also happy when the people I love are well and when a difficult situation has been resolved. There are lots of reasons to be happy! But happiness is undependable. Why? Because it is an emotion. And like all emotions, it depends on external events that constantly change and are often beyond our control. It’s a lot of work to try to be happy, and the payoff is random and fleeting. We often end up exhausted and dissatisfied. Our crusade to arrange, acquire, and achieve everything in life so that our favorite emotions are present and the uncomfortable ones banished, may create moments of happiness but it’s a fragile state, subject to change, and our chasing, grasping, and clinging create suffering. So much so sometimes that we can’t really enjoy the happiness we’ve sought.

But how is joy any different? Aren’t these words interchangeable? It seems to be a universal agreement that they are not. Just for fun, I did an online search to see what are common definitions of these words and their distinctions. Here are a few of my favorites:

Many quotes came from a Christian charity Compassion.com:

“Joy runs deep and overflows, while happiness hugs hello.” 

Joy is a practice. It’s deliberate and intentional. Happiness comes and goes blithely along its way.”

The objection at least one sangha member has to the blessing to both “May you be happy” and “May you know the joy of being fully present in this moment” is that it is unrealistic to send such a blessing to those who are, for example, in wartorn areas, living in fear and near starvation. But this same source of quotes says:

 “It’s possible to experience joy in difficult times. It’s possible to know joy or feel joy despite grief or uncertainty. Joy doesn’t need a smile to exist… joy can share space with other emotions — sadness, fear, anger … even unhappiness. Happiness can’t. Joy endures hardship and trials and connects with meaning and purpose.”

“Happiness isn’t present in darkness and difficulty. It can’t be present when its antithesis rules. But once discovered, joy undergirds our spirits and brings to life peace and contentment, even in the face of unhappiness.”

“Happiness is fickle. It can be present for weeks on end and be gone in an instant. True joy is constant.”

“True joy is a limitless, life-defining, transformative reservoir waiting to be tapped into.”

“Joy transforms difficult times into blessings and turns heartache into gratitude. Joy brings meaning to life. It brings life to life.”

What started me on this exploration was a quote by Carla Bergman that I read in Rebecca Solnit’s fascinating book Orwell’s Roses:

“Whereas happiness is used as a numbing anesthetic that induces dependence, joy is the growth of people’s capacity to feel new things in ways that can break this dependence.” 
– Carla Bergman, author of Joyful Militancy

This points out how our societal and economic conditioning to seek happiness is like a drug, and how our system is set up to play on that desire, dangling pretty, shiny, tasty things before us, exacerbating our craving, only to grow corporate profits.

But corporations can’t sell joy! It’s homegrown. Only we can cultivate it. We might think joy is some fluke that just happens. But notice when it happens! It’s when we pause in our constant inner anxious striving chatter, to simply appreciate a beautiful sunset or a baby’s smile. But it’s not a fluke! We’re being fully present. And that may be so rare in our busy lives that it feels like a gift out of the blue.

Living fully present in the moment is a skill we can cultivate so it isn’t just an occasional fluke to experience joy. We set Wise Intention that cultivates Wise Effort as we practice Wise Mindfulness with Wise Concentration, and thus develop Wise View, rooted in an understanding of the Three Marks of Existence and the ethical precepts so that our words, actions, and livelihood are also blameless. And thus, we can rest in the moment and experience the joy of simply being. Regardless of the turmoil of the Eight Worldly Winds, we can sit in the stillness, the eye of any storm, and radiate infinite lovingkindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity.

I’ll end with two Buddhist quotes from revered teachers in the Insight tradition:

“Joy is an expression of the awakened heart, a quality of enlightenment. When we live in the present, joy often arises.‘” — Jack Kornfield

“Joy is not just a fleeting emotion — it’s a vital aspect of a well-rounded, healthy life.” — Tara Brach

Image by Daniela Dimitrova from Pixabay